Long Time Sun

Isabel Allende conta histórias de paixão.

THE TEMPERATURE OF MARRIAGE

Wedding Day - one hundred degrees. Feverish.
Jimmy: "My own sweetie sugarpie."
Judy: "My own darling honeybunch." One day later - fifty degrees. Hot.
Jimmy: "My own precious."
Judy: "My own love." Two days later - twenty-five degrees. Warm.
Jimmy: "Dearest."
Judy: "Dearie." Three days later - fifteen degrees. Tepid.
Jimmy: "Sweetheart."
Judy: "Dear." Four days later - five degrees. Cool.
Jimmy: "Judith."
Judy: "James." Five days later - zero degrees. Very cool.
Jimmy: "Madam!."
Judy: "Sir!" Six days later - below freezing. Icy.
Jimmy: "Bitch!"
Judy: "Bastard!"

On the seventh day - minus twenty degrees! Very cold.
Jimmy: "GET LOST!" - Pow!
Judy: "FUCK YOU!" - Crash! Two days after the storm - meltdown.
Jimmy: "Oh Judy, OH! OH! OH!"
Judy: "Ah Jimmy, AH! AH! AH!"

Sexo a três

Num bar, um sujeito encontra uma bela morena, amiga da sua mulher.
Ela chega toda insinuante, e diz:
- Posso fazer uma pergunta?
- Claro!
- Fazer sexo a três está entre as suas fantasias?
E ele, empolgado, exclama:
- Clarooooo!!!!
A morena esclarece:
- Então, corre para casa que talvez ainda chegues a tempo...

Frank Feldman

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just
going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says,

"Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.

Passenger: 'Who?'

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything
right all the time. Like my coming along when you
needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank
Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over
everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman He was a terrific athlete.
He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could
golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and
danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard
him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really
special."

Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer.
He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about
wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them
with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse,
and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he
could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic
and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get
stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and
he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel
good. He would never answer her back even if she was
in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate,
shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He
never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to
Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died. . . .
I'm married to his widow."

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